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Golf Math
The owner of a golf course in Georgia
was confused about paying an invoice, so
he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said "You graduated from the
University of Georgia. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how
much would you take off?" The secretary thought a moment,
then replied,
"Everything but my earrings."
Golf Grammar Lesson
The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing
lesson.
"Is the word spelled p-u-t or p-u-t-t?''
she asked the instructor.
"P-u-t-t is correct,'' he replied.
"Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a
vain attempt to do the same thing."
Good
Deal
Bill and Ralph step up to the first tee box. Bill says, "Hey,
guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!" Ralph replies
enthusiastically, "What a great trade!"
Mean Hook
After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular
club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was
walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him
and asked, "Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty
minutes ago?"
"Yes," the golfer responded.
"Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and
off the course?"
"Yes, I did. How did you know?" he asked.
"Well," said the policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out onto
the highway and crashed through a driver's windshield. The car went
out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck. The
fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned
down. So, what are you going to do about it?"
The golfer thought it over carefully and responded...
"I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and
lower my right thumb."
All Too True
When a struck ball unintentionally veers to the left
it is known as a hook.
When a struck ball unintentionally veers to the right it is known as
a slice.
When a struck ball does not veer but instead flies straight forward
it is known as either a lie or a miracle.
Wrong Diagnosis
2 women were playing golf. On the
third hole there was a 4 men in front of them but about 175 yards
down the fairway. The first woman said I'll
tee off he is far enough away. She hit the drive of her life, like a
shot straight down the faraway. She screamed fore at the top of her
lungs and as the men turned one was hit solidly. He was rolling on
the ground in pain with his hands between his legs.
She ran to him, apologizing and saying "let me help I am a physical
therapist." He protested but she got him to put his hands at his
side. She unzipped his pants and began massaging him.
"How does that feel?" she asked. He said, "Great, but my thumb still
hurts like hell."
Proper Etiquette?
A rather large man was standing on the Ladies tee
box, just about to address his ball. Out of nowhere, a pompous, over
officious ranger come into view screaming at the guy. "My God man!!
Proper golf etiquette forbids a man to tee off from the Ladies Tees!
I am OUTRAGED!!" The red faced golfer storms over, grabs the ranger
by the front of his shirt, lifts him off the ground and growls.
"What does etiquette say about a ranger interrupting a man's third
shot?"
No Way Man
A guy is taking forever to hit his shot.
He checks the wind, looks up and down several times, fidgets, grips
and readjusts his grip. This goes on for what seems like an eternity
while his player partner stands waiting impatiently. Finally his
partner explodes. "Come on man!! Hit the freakin' ball already!
What's the hold up here?"
"Well, my wife is up there watching me on the club house deck and I
want to hit a perfect shot." he said.
"I've
seen you play dude...ain't no way in hell you're gonna hit her from
here."
Got a good golf joke? Send
them to us at
ron@GolfNorthCarolina.com
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